Hello All!
It has been a while, I know, but so much has happen to me in the last 6 or so months. Just for an up to date telling of my life:
January- My dad passed away after having cancer for a number of years
April- Found out I was 6 weeks pregnant
Beginning of May- Moved in with the boyfriend
Middle of May- Started school at Ball State
End of May- Found out I miscarried at 8 weeks on my 12 week doctors appointment
Beginning of June- D&C Surgery
Still Beginning of June- San Diego Trip to introduce bf to family
Month of July- Building Up Photo Portfolio (https://www.facebook.com/KLPhhotography please "Like" my Page)
Whole Month of August- Job Change, Fall Semester of School, Getting My Shit Together!!!
As you can see I have been very busy! And for a few friends who are reading this, a couple things might be news to you (wasn't feeling very chatty about a few things this year). I have been working through many emotional down falls but for the most part I feel like I am on the right path. The Panda (boyfriend) and I are living pretty happily together and have many plans for when I finally graduate with a Bachelors in Photojournalism from Ball State University :)!! Finally took the leap!!
It has taken me a long time to really be in a place comfortable enough to post a blog entry and I am sure everyone would agree that wasn't wrong of me to do. But I have to say that the beginning of this year is what really got my ass in gear to stop wasting time and actually enroll in school. I think about my dad everyday and even have a picture of him hanging from my rear-view mirror in my car to remind me that I need to LIVE and not let anything hold me back.
There are so many times that I wish I could just stay in bed all day but it wouldn't bring my dad back or my first unborn child. That term sounds very morbid, "unborn child", but I can't think of another way to put it, and I never understood what the term "empty arms" meant until recently when the sensation actually happen to me while talking to someone at work who had found out she was pregnant only a week or so after I did. It was truly as if I was holding all the feelings in my arms, swaddled up sweet and warm against my chest. Then a shattering feeling over took me, as if someone came running past me, snatched my bundle out of my grasp and ran away without a trace of where they had gone. I was heart broken the day the Doctor told me he couldn't find the heart beat but that day took all the remaining pieces and pounded them into dust which left me feeling hallow and empty.
It really does amaze me how one small event changes your whole life and there are times that you have no control over it. Someone asked me in a job interview not too long ago "What drives you?" and my response was "Life". Life drives me everyday to go out and be something more than I was last year... or even 6 months ago! I have something a little different than a "Bucket List", mostly because I don't like the idea of "Things to do before I die". In some ways I feel like I have already died in more ways than one, I never regretted anything and I tried to not let opportunities pass me by but this year I am not only letting things fall into my lap but I am going out there and making things happen for myself! Like going back to school, starting up my own photography business, and starting a new job.
I can't inspire anyone to do the same because no one else has lived through my experience or my view on my situation but I do wish people would at least take away from this post that you should LIVE and LIVE FOR YOURSELF!
Rant over.
