Here's a little tidbit that I just want to share:
Dust dancing in the sunlight streaming in through the small high window, the room stale with the smell of my own sweat and blood. He has been gone but moving from my spot on the concrete floor seems impossible. My knees are bruised and pounding from the pressure of my body, hands bleeding and dirty from catching my every fall and deflecting most of his vicious blows. Mascara tears have traveled down my red and purple cheeks the paths sting with every movement and flake away.
I could walk out the door, run down the street. Away from this place, away from him but where would I go? A shelter? My broken home? He would find me when he felt the want once again, hunting me down would only excite him more. Somehow, even though I hate him, the thought of his determination to own me gives me a feeling that resembles comfort or belonging.
No, I will not leave, instead I will stay and do as he wishes until he finds what he is looking for or kills me. In the morning he will wake up alone but he will be content, come into my room and clean my wounds and begin to soothe my equally tattered ego. So, until then, I will crawl up into my bed and try to dream of something other than the feeling of his breath on my neck, his grip on my hips, and the feeling of the floor crashing into me.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Bedside Blogger #19
Hello All!
I have recently joined a group of bloggers on Facebook and wanted to take a minute to post something new, since it has been way too long. https://www.facebook.com/groups/520236134666906/
What have I doing lately?
Seeing someone new (whom I fancy very much!), working too much, started to go back to the gym, trying to lose a few pounds (mostly to fit back into my jeans) and drinking too much!
I've also decided that along with Photojournalism I'd like to get into Editing as a career.
What its editing? Thanks for asking. Editing is the skill of reading someones work, channeling their writing voice and helping them make their work better, easier to understand, and not to mention correcting all the little mistakes that are made along the way.
Why do I want to do this? Well, three reasons. One, I really like to give people my opinion (even people who don't ask). Two, I would love to spend my whole day reading and writing and actually make money doing it. Three, and this is the most important, editors actually make money!! Like real money that they can live on and not have to worry about a true "boss" breathing down your neck.
From what I understand, I can do most of the work at home, in my pjs, then the rest I am working with writers and publishing departments. Really wish I would've fallowed my head and heart a lot sooner but everything happens for a reason. I wasn't wise enough or strong enough before this year that I took off of school. I know now that I needed to grow into my own person and be proud of myself and not live for anyone else's expectations but my own.
What are my goals for the next few weeks?
Write everyday. I'm still working on my own novel and need to move my progress along.
Go to the gym at least 10 times.
Not eat fast food.
Meditate often! I have been slacking on my reading and meditating on my Buddha way of life (mostly road rage).
Take a ton of pictures with my new camera(as of 12/25/12)
Prepare myself for school in the summer :)
Ok well, that is all that is going on with me for now! Thank you everyone for reading and keeping up with my crazy life!
I have recently joined a group of bloggers on Facebook and wanted to take a minute to post something new, since it has been way too long. https://www.facebook.com/groups/520236134666906/
What have I doing lately?
Seeing someone new (whom I fancy very much!), working too much, started to go back to the gym, trying to lose a few pounds (mostly to fit back into my jeans) and drinking too much!
I've also decided that along with Photojournalism I'd like to get into Editing as a career.
What its editing? Thanks for asking. Editing is the skill of reading someones work, channeling their writing voice and helping them make their work better, easier to understand, and not to mention correcting all the little mistakes that are made along the way.
Why do I want to do this? Well, three reasons. One, I really like to give people my opinion (even people who don't ask). Two, I would love to spend my whole day reading and writing and actually make money doing it. Three, and this is the most important, editors actually make money!! Like real money that they can live on and not have to worry about a true "boss" breathing down your neck.
From what I understand, I can do most of the work at home, in my pjs, then the rest I am working with writers and publishing departments. Really wish I would've fallowed my head and heart a lot sooner but everything happens for a reason. I wasn't wise enough or strong enough before this year that I took off of school. I know now that I needed to grow into my own person and be proud of myself and not live for anyone else's expectations but my own.
What are my goals for the next few weeks?
Write everyday. I'm still working on my own novel and need to move my progress along.
Go to the gym at least 10 times.
Not eat fast food.
Meditate often! I have been slacking on my reading and meditating on my Buddha way of life (mostly road rage).
Take a ton of pictures with my new camera(as of 12/25/12)
Prepare myself for school in the summer :)
Ok well, that is all that is going on with me for now! Thank you everyone for reading and keeping up with my crazy life!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Bedside Blogger #18 NaNoWriMo: My 50k In 30 Days
Ok everyone! If you didn't already know, its NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) 50K in 30 days!!
http://www.nanowrimo.org
I am currently at 8500 words and its getting tough to find the time but I'm trudging along. To give some insight and to procrastinate a little I wanted to give a description of my novel and throw in a little passage.
Erin is a twenty something college student, works as a waitress at a local bar during the nights and weekends while going to school for Biology (at the moment). Her friends and co-workers think that she is just a withdrawn person who doesn't like to be apart of a crowd but in reality she is a sub/dom sexually divalent. It is written from her point of view over a few months time where we find out her hunting patterns, a few kinky partners and how she become the promiscuous being that she is. We also have to hear, helplessly, the trouble she gets into and how it changes her whole world. Its a dirty, raunchy tale full of hot sex and big decisions. Here is a small passage:
I am very excited about this and plan on making a few copies for a select few people.
Wish me luck!!!
K. Lucas
http://www.nanowrimo.org
I am currently at 8500 words and its getting tough to find the time but I'm trudging along. To give some insight and to procrastinate a little I wanted to give a description of my novel and throw in a little passage.
Erin is a twenty something college student, works as a waitress at a local bar during the nights and weekends while going to school for Biology (at the moment). Her friends and co-workers think that she is just a withdrawn person who doesn't like to be apart of a crowd but in reality she is a sub/dom sexually divalent. It is written from her point of view over a few months time where we find out her hunting patterns, a few kinky partners and how she become the promiscuous being that she is. We also have to hear, helplessly, the trouble she gets into and how it changes her whole world. Its a dirty, raunchy tale full of hot sex and big decisions. Here is a small passage:
As
if it was a scene from a movie, the front door opens, the bar seems to fall
silent, the air stagnant. His hair and eyes are dark like slate and are
accompanied by a rugged jaw, shadowed with specks of red and brown that frame a
perfect smile that could melt glass. I have acquired a new target, swaggering
in with a presence that I could not rightly ignore, from across the bar I can
see that his eyes have landed on me as well but he is distracted away by the bar
tender. He is more than likely dominant in bed, I can tell by the power tie
that has been loosened to lay down on his white cotton dress shirt and the way
his sleeves are rolled up to his middle forearm. Gray slacks, black belt, and
dress shoes complete his business man attire. He must not be from around here
because the only guys that dress so nicely in this bar are the Mormons who try
to convert everyone on lingerie night.
I am very excited about this and plan on making a few copies for a select few people.
Wish me luck!!!
K. Lucas
Monday, October 22, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #17 NSFW
I'm back! Since I got such a great response with my last little sexually creative tidbit, I have decided to give you another one. Hopefully I've gotten a little better since then.
Cal was never the strongest or bravest guy I had known but there was always something about him, a pull of some sort that attracted me to him. On the thinner side he wasn't much to look at but he was witty and had eyes that could pierce the thickest soul and his smile was dazzling, crooked in a shy way but always full of confidence some how. We met in junior year of college, just friends at first, but I soon realized that he was perfect for me. Artsy, smart, and completely innocent. I wanted to corrupt him, teach him things that would push his comfort limits to the breaking point.
I remember our first encounter very vividly; it was Christmas holiday and neither one of us wanted to go home for break, the dorms were almost empty, only a few foreign students and others who would rather stay at University to partake in the college party scene. It was my first white Christmas away from Colorado and I was feeling a little home sick all the way in Oklahoma. Cal was from a small town a few hundred miles away from University of Oklahoma, he had been dreaming of getting away from his family for years. When he came to my dorm room dressed in his red flannel pajama bottom and a white deep v-neck shirt holding a bottle of Vodka and a carton of eggnog I was pleasantly surprised. We had been introduced through our dorm mates who were currently hooking up on the occasional drunken night. We had never been alone with each other like this before so the first cup of spiked nog was a bit awkward but after the third and a game of scrabble we started giggling and joking around like old friends.
Half way through our second game of increasingly naughty scrabble we decided to watch It's A Wonderful Life to break the growing tension. As we sat on the couch, him in his somehow sexy flannel pants and me in my Pink Nation shorts and top, some how cuddling began which eventually turned into spooning. My heart was pounding out of my chest with every one of his breathes that past by my ear. He was inching his hand down my side in no time at all, the butterflies in my stomach were restless, my mind was racing with questions. Was he doing this on purpose? Was he as nervous as I was? Did he just move his hand closer to my inner thigh?
The movies was agonizingly long and by the time it was half over I could barely contain myself, the tugging feeling in my stomach was achingly hard to ignore. I needed relief from his warm exhales now on my neck, I got up and excused my self to the bathroom. After splashing cold water on my face I made my mind up right then and there, I wanted him and he wanted me as well. Friends don't spoon or torture one another with subtle hand movements and moisture on their necks. When I entered the TV room again he was sitting up right to my disappointment, I sat next to him without giving away my subconscious let down. He glanced my way, I could feel his crystal blue eyes on my, watching my chest inhale and exhale sharply. Stop that! My inner voice wasn't happy with his mixed signals at all. I couldn't stop my eyes from traveling his way, and a moment later the room was silent as our eyes met, the air was staggeringly thick, I couldn't seem to catch my breathe. His scruffy face inched closer to mine, cocked to the side ever so slightly. When his lips touched mine they were warm and, as cliche as it would seemed, had taken my breath away.
In seconds he had pulled me on to his lap, straddling him, his arms wrapped around my waist and kissing me with such intensity I thought my clothes would melt off. He stood up with such ease you would think I was made of only feathers, sexually charged feathers who's static clung to his body. He gently laid me down on my bed, my legs still wrapped around him only briefly until his hands started wandering up my shorts and shirt. Then, it was a race to see who could get the other persons clothes off quickest, all at once we were bare. His body on top of mine again, his hips between my legs. I reached for my night stand for a friendly foil wrapped life saver, I slipped the lubricated latex over him. Wow, I thought, didn't expect him to be so big! But, then again, I didn't expect to be doing this with him.
My hands moved from his shaft to his lower back, giving him an encouraging pull towards me but he gave me resistance. He began to kiss me again, our tongues intertwining, as our lips started to part my teeth caught his bottom lip, he gave a sudden passionate moan and an unexpected thrust of whole self inside of me. "Oh God!" I let out.
I was utterly dazed! He was deep inside of me, pushing against every wall, then he was pulling away but only for a moment until he was diving inside of me again. My whole body was quivering, with every one of his movements, sweat, either mine or his, soaked me. In a blink of an eye he had scooped me up from my lower back and rolled us over in one fluid motion. I was set on top of him, dizzy, I leaned down for our faces to meet. Kissing and grinding my hips to the rhythm of his hands passing from my thighs to my rear end. My body started to react to him, I felt myself building and filling with tension all over, from head to curled toes. His fingers were digging into my hips at this point, his body tensing, his breathing gaining and releasing barely audible grunts of pleasure. Then, he did it. Said the one thing that caused my whole body to unravel, one simple phrase caused me to climax as if on demand, "Thalia! Fuck!"
Mountains moved, the heavens rained sweet angelic melodies, oceanic waves of ecstasy crashed down inside of me, filling me to the brim and over flowing my senses. Not skipping a beat his pelvis and hands took over till he joined me in my climatic winners circle. Breathing in unison, laying next to each other, sweat trickling down the sides of our bodies, I couldn't have began to imagine that this would have happen. But never the less, there we lay, in my bed together, our relationship forever changed. And, oh, the changes I would put him through. Poor guy never saw it coming.
Reflecting on that evening now, I don't think it could have been any better. We slept with our arms wrapped around each other and in the morning had only a moment of awkwardness before we headed to IHOP for a triumphant breakfast. The path we have traveled together since that night has lead us to where we are today, it was rocky and a bit dramatic but I wouldn't walk it with anyone else. This is far from a love story,well, at least Disney never taught me that love could be expressed through bondage and kinky sex games. I suppose you can be the judge of that.
To be continued....
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #16 "50 Shades of Fucked Up Indeed"
I finally finished reading Fifty Shades Of Grey last night. I have already bitched about how horribly written it was, how the characters are hollow and awkward and I could write a better erotic novel in my sleep. But, I have new opinions to add to my earlier ones; I now hate the fallowing words and phrases that James uses in Ana's inner monologue "blink(ing)", "sex" (used at an synonym for genitals), "he scolds/scolding", "Holy crap", "Oh no!", "Holy Moses", "he fills me... I'm going over the edge", and finally "delicious(ly)". This last one made me want to vomit by the last chapter, maybe I have been doing it right for all these years but I just don't find sex or anything else erotic to be "delicious"!! In fact, I looked up synonyms to "delicious" and I found about four words that she could have used every once in a while instead of using "delicious" ten times on every page!
Delightful. Luscious. Divine. Enticing. She could have used Yummy for goodness sake and not sounded like a first grader who is learning how to form real sentences for the second time! If I went through this book, chapter by chapter, and crossed out these words and phrases not only would the book be shorter but it would be much more bearable to read. Although, you would still be stuck reading the horrifically awkward conversations that the characters are having. Everyone is so stiff and old fashioned, aside from Grey when he is stabbing you with the F word in between using this girls name every second sentence. I can go on and on about how horrible the book is written so lets move forward to the plot of the book in general.
E L James... Why do you need this complicated contract nonsense to make a story interesting? In which you negate any damn way?!? Also, why the hell did this "love story" happen with in the course of two weeks? Week one she meets him, loses her virginity, goes on a date, gets abused and moves. Week two she goes on vacations, admits her love for him to herself and her family, gets a new job and breaks up with him after she tells him to beat her the way he really wants to. They both care about each other but she's a crazy, jealous, immature prude who asks way too many questions. She asks him the same questions through out the book, in which he answers every time, this is such a crazy girl thing that it pains me to share a gender with James and Ana. If girls are asking these questions it's no wonder so many of them are having to read this book for sexual content.
Erotic novels are about the action, so spending about six chapters talking about this magically sexy character is pointless and annoying! We get it! He's hot, rich, über kinky and fixated on this plain Jane. Move this shit along already! Furthermore, the sex in this book is not kinky, the idea of the "Red Room of Pain" is kinky, but the kinkiest the sex gets is vaginal beads and a riding crop. I don't consider her being tied up to be that kinky since that is a fairly normal sexual fantasy. So much is mentioned in the contract but never tried that it is pointless to even have used the Room to begin with. They have mostly "vanilla" sex through out different rooms of his and her apartments, and a hotel.
Now then, I am an amateur but, I'm fairly confident that I could make a pretty steamy first chapter with very little filler, I am going to prove that it isn't hard to write an erotic novel that is intelligent, well written, and kinky.
Here I am again, my feet and hands bound by the searing chill of the aluminum cuffs, eyes draped with the silk mask, body bare and tender to the satin sheets on the bed below me. I can only hear his whispering breathes sweeping over my breast as he hovers, knees and hands indent into the mattress on either side of me. He's been teasing me for hours, days, weeks it feels. I am aching for him to touch me, wanting so badly to feel him press his lips to mine, I would do anything to feel him inside of me, and he know this. He is enjoying himself too much to stop my agony so soon.
"Farah" his breath is so warm on my belly.
"Luca, please" is all I can muster up, I know he is smiling his devilish grin and things are about to get much worse for me.
His rugged forefinger softly glides over my collar bones, down my sternum to my belly, sweeps across my hips and is joined by his index finger above my pleasure button. I can't catch my breath, his fingers start to slowly circulate, finding my clitoris and enticing it with soft strokes. My hips try to mimic his fingers motions but he changes from clockwise to counter clockwise when they catch the rhythm. His torturous games have always been cruel, but he must be in an especially seductive mood this evening.
"Farah, do you love me?", his voice is dripping with poisonous sexual tension.
"Yes," I breath "I need you."
The pressure of his fingers are heavier now, my stomach fills with intense excitement. After only a brief moment he stops, the anticipation of what he will do next is burning in my loins. Then, all at once, his mouth replaces where his fingers were. Hot, wet, expertly tonguing me. The feeling of his mouth opening and closing, his lips smooth and his scruffy facial hair against my sensitive lady parts throws me into ecstasy. I can only gasp for air as his hands hold my hips in place so that I can not escape or move, as if the cuffs would allow me to. He is loving this, he lets out a blissful sigh and I shiver underneath its weight.
"Luca!" I can't take any more, I'm going to hit my climax at any second.
His is all of the sudden on top of me, in side of me. Between my spread thighs I can feel the heat he has created and now he is spreading the heat through my whole body. His chest is now parallel to mine, my hard nipples are brushing against his muscular pecs. He's so close to me but I can't touch him, I want to run my finger nails down his back, hold his solid buttock so that he can fill me deeper. Even as I have him, I crave more, I am so greedy for his body.
His hard erection slides in and out of me with moderate friction, deep for a moment, the pause brings my body to a sensation I can only describe as sizzling, spicy, and tingly. After he pushes me so close to the edge he removes the pressure only slightly then deepens before he exits almost completely. I moan loudly, calling his name, his gruff voice breaths into my neck. Moist, humid moans fill my ears and I am lost in the moment right before I erupt into pure pleasure. The cuffs dig into my wrists as I struggle to withdraw myself, he continues to move inside of me, he wouldn't stop even if I begged him. This is it, the moment that has been building this whole time. Welling up and crashing down inside of me, every nerve in my body pulses. My body response to his so quickly that only a few seconds later I am shaking and sweating under him. He continues on, pushing, pulling, releasing. I can only lay here as I feel myself swelling around him, so sensitive and magical. His every motion throws me into an even further daze. I can finally feel him building, his body is tensing, voice becoming more grizzly, movements more jagged, thrusting himself inside of me only a few more times he comes and collapses gracefully on top of me. His sweat is sweet and cool against me, his muscles rippling from his intense moment of gratification.
He rolls away from me after a few moments, releasing me from my restraints. He draws me into his arms as I pull off the mask. Both of us panting from orgasm, all I can hear is the blood pounding in my ears and his husky breathing. The room is dark but I can make out his sculpted body as my eyes adjust to the moon light coming through the window. Lying there, drenched in sweat and basking in the after glow of love making he kisses me, his lips are cool and damp.
"Wow... That was... wow" I blush and flash an accomplished almost cocky smile up at him.
"Mmhmm" is all I can reply with, I am so spent. I close my eyes as he grabs a blanket from the end of the bed, in no time I am sleeping.
To be continued... ?
Delightful. Luscious. Divine. Enticing. She could have used Yummy for goodness sake and not sounded like a first grader who is learning how to form real sentences for the second time! If I went through this book, chapter by chapter, and crossed out these words and phrases not only would the book be shorter but it would be much more bearable to read. Although, you would still be stuck reading the horrifically awkward conversations that the characters are having. Everyone is so stiff and old fashioned, aside from Grey when he is stabbing you with the F word in between using this girls name every second sentence. I can go on and on about how horrible the book is written so lets move forward to the plot of the book in general.
E L James... Why do you need this complicated contract nonsense to make a story interesting? In which you negate any damn way?!? Also, why the hell did this "love story" happen with in the course of two weeks? Week one she meets him, loses her virginity, goes on a date, gets abused and moves. Week two she goes on vacations, admits her love for him to herself and her family, gets a new job and breaks up with him after she tells him to beat her the way he really wants to. They both care about each other but she's a crazy, jealous, immature prude who asks way too many questions. She asks him the same questions through out the book, in which he answers every time, this is such a crazy girl thing that it pains me to share a gender with James and Ana. If girls are asking these questions it's no wonder so many of them are having to read this book for sexual content.
Erotic novels are about the action, so spending about six chapters talking about this magically sexy character is pointless and annoying! We get it! He's hot, rich, über kinky and fixated on this plain Jane. Move this shit along already! Furthermore, the sex in this book is not kinky, the idea of the "Red Room of Pain" is kinky, but the kinkiest the sex gets is vaginal beads and a riding crop. I don't consider her being tied up to be that kinky since that is a fairly normal sexual fantasy. So much is mentioned in the contract but never tried that it is pointless to even have used the Room to begin with. They have mostly "vanilla" sex through out different rooms of his and her apartments, and a hotel.
Now then, I am an amateur but, I'm fairly confident that I could make a pretty steamy first chapter with very little filler, I am going to prove that it isn't hard to write an erotic novel that is intelligent, well written, and kinky.
Here I am again, my feet and hands bound by the searing chill of the aluminum cuffs, eyes draped with the silk mask, body bare and tender to the satin sheets on the bed below me. I can only hear his whispering breathes sweeping over my breast as he hovers, knees and hands indent into the mattress on either side of me. He's been teasing me for hours, days, weeks it feels. I am aching for him to touch me, wanting so badly to feel him press his lips to mine, I would do anything to feel him inside of me, and he know this. He is enjoying himself too much to stop my agony so soon.
"Farah" his breath is so warm on my belly.
"Luca, please" is all I can muster up, I know he is smiling his devilish grin and things are about to get much worse for me.
His rugged forefinger softly glides over my collar bones, down my sternum to my belly, sweeps across my hips and is joined by his index finger above my pleasure button. I can't catch my breath, his fingers start to slowly circulate, finding my clitoris and enticing it with soft strokes. My hips try to mimic his fingers motions but he changes from clockwise to counter clockwise when they catch the rhythm. His torturous games have always been cruel, but he must be in an especially seductive mood this evening.
"Farah, do you love me?", his voice is dripping with poisonous sexual tension.
"Yes," I breath "I need you."
The pressure of his fingers are heavier now, my stomach fills with intense excitement. After only a brief moment he stops, the anticipation of what he will do next is burning in my loins. Then, all at once, his mouth replaces where his fingers were. Hot, wet, expertly tonguing me. The feeling of his mouth opening and closing, his lips smooth and his scruffy facial hair against my sensitive lady parts throws me into ecstasy. I can only gasp for air as his hands hold my hips in place so that I can not escape or move, as if the cuffs would allow me to. He is loving this, he lets out a blissful sigh and I shiver underneath its weight.
"Luca!" I can't take any more, I'm going to hit my climax at any second.
His is all of the sudden on top of me, in side of me. Between my spread thighs I can feel the heat he has created and now he is spreading the heat through my whole body. His chest is now parallel to mine, my hard nipples are brushing against his muscular pecs. He's so close to me but I can't touch him, I want to run my finger nails down his back, hold his solid buttock so that he can fill me deeper. Even as I have him, I crave more, I am so greedy for his body.
His hard erection slides in and out of me with moderate friction, deep for a moment, the pause brings my body to a sensation I can only describe as sizzling, spicy, and tingly. After he pushes me so close to the edge he removes the pressure only slightly then deepens before he exits almost completely. I moan loudly, calling his name, his gruff voice breaths into my neck. Moist, humid moans fill my ears and I am lost in the moment right before I erupt into pure pleasure. The cuffs dig into my wrists as I struggle to withdraw myself, he continues to move inside of me, he wouldn't stop even if I begged him. This is it, the moment that has been building this whole time. Welling up and crashing down inside of me, every nerve in my body pulses. My body response to his so quickly that only a few seconds later I am shaking and sweating under him. He continues on, pushing, pulling, releasing. I can only lay here as I feel myself swelling around him, so sensitive and magical. His every motion throws me into an even further daze. I can finally feel him building, his body is tensing, voice becoming more grizzly, movements more jagged, thrusting himself inside of me only a few more times he comes and collapses gracefully on top of me. His sweat is sweet and cool against me, his muscles rippling from his intense moment of gratification.
He rolls away from me after a few moments, releasing me from my restraints. He draws me into his arms as I pull off the mask. Both of us panting from orgasm, all I can hear is the blood pounding in my ears and his husky breathing. The room is dark but I can make out his sculpted body as my eyes adjust to the moon light coming through the window. Lying there, drenched in sweat and basking in the after glow of love making he kisses me, his lips are cool and damp.
"Wow... That was... wow" I blush and flash an accomplished almost cocky smile up at him.
"Mmhmm" is all I can reply with, I am so spent. I close my eyes as he grabs a blanket from the end of the bed, in no time I am sleeping.
To be continued... ?
Friday, September 14, 2012
A Dash Of Buddha Post #16
Today I had to channel my inner hidden Buddha quite a bit. Work was hell to begin with and after work I decided to stress myself even more by going grocery shopping because it looks like this weekend will be busy busy busy. And for your information walking a city block and up two flights of stairs four times with at least ten extra pounds weighing you down isn't fun at all, especially after eight hours of pulling, pushing and lifting old people (I'm a nursing assistant if I forgot to mention that before).
Anyway, Buddha says that everyone is in misery no matter what type it can be over come by connecting with your inner self and pretty much relaxing. Let the universe take the wheel. Good things will happen to those who put good things into the world. For instance, smiling even though you are miserable gives good vibes on to the world. One action as small as a smile can turn your whole day around. You may even influence someone else to smile with you.
So, even though shopping after work wasn't the best feeling, I smiled and chatted with one of the night workers who was obviously bored. Made him laugh and hopefully uplifted his mood for a short time. That is all we can really do as humans for each other, make one another smile and be happy. In the end my dash of Buddha for the night was a literal version of one of my favorite quotes. "Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."-The Buddha :)
Anyway, Buddha says that everyone is in misery no matter what type it can be over come by connecting with your inner self and pretty much relaxing. Let the universe take the wheel. Good things will happen to those who put good things into the world. For instance, smiling even though you are miserable gives good vibes on to the world. One action as small as a smile can turn your whole day around. You may even influence someone else to smile with you.
So, even though shopping after work wasn't the best feeling, I smiled and chatted with one of the night workers who was obviously bored. Made him laugh and hopefully uplifted his mood for a short time. That is all we can really do as humans for each other, make one another smile and be happy. In the end my dash of Buddha for the night was a literal version of one of my favorite quotes. "Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."-The Buddha :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
A Dash Of Buddha Post #15
Out with the old and in with the new.
It may not be Spring but it's time for me to start new and fresh. Along with getting rid of my ex, week 1 and still holding strong, I am trying something else new. Buddhism.
Don't get all Judgey McJudgerson on me just yet, I am not a religious person and thankfully Buddhism isn't a religion. In a nutshell, Buddhism is about inner peace and being a good person. The Buddha was not and still is not seen as a God or a Prophet. He was simply awakened. Always seen as a human being, no more special or more important than anyone else, he was only enlightened with knowledge and understanding of the Universe. I won't go too deep into what Buddhism is because I am still learning myself but I'll be keeping you updating on how I am adding a dash of Buddha into my day to day life.
First of all I am meditating. Which is harder than it seems, but also a lot easier than it appears. You can meditate anytime and anywhere. On your way to work at a stop light, on your break, while exercising, in the bath, in bed before you fall asleep and even in bed with your lover. That's right, you can even meditate while you're having sex, actually some people consider sex a form of meditation because you are out of your head while you are intimate with someone. Crazy! Oh yeah, by the way Buddhism, unlike most religions, doesn't frown on the fun things in life. As long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else you can pretty much do anything you want as long as it is part of your path to becoming enlightened/awakened. Suck it conventional religious conformists!
So, why is it hard for me to meditate at times? Well, getting a chance to actually push all thoughts out of my head for more than a few minutes is rather difficult with my busy life and insomnia. If I'm not working I'm trying to sleep, you would think that would be the perfect time to meditate... yeah, shut up! It's not!
Anyway, the easiest way to meditate is to put on some soothing low music, light a candle, sit on the ground on a pillow with your legs crossed and hands resting easily on your knees (palms facing upward) and close your eyes. Start out breathing normally and get yourself "centered" which means comfortable and prepared to let go of the day. Take your first deep breath and let it out slowly, then your second breath breathe in deep and then deeper still til your lungs are filled with all your negative energy and thoughts, push them all out slowly. With every breath you should feel your body relax more and more, your mind should be focused on your breathing, the soft music and the little bit of light flickering behind your eye lids.
There is no specific time that you should meditate for, as long as you are comfortable and relaxed at the end of your meditation. What does meditation do for you on your path to awakening? Don't be so feeble minded, becoming more aware of your breathing makes you more aware of the stillness that is really all around you. Knowing you're oneness with the Earth and Universe is a teaching of the Buddha, we are all connected through the same Sun, Earth, Moon, air and water. Breathing in the air that connects you with the rest of the world is humbling on some level. Not to sound like the stereotypical hippie mind you, I am not going to change my diet or bathing habits anytime soon. Trying to incorporate the Buddhas teachings into my daily life will be a positive challenge that I am very excited to share with you, and I hope I can inspire you to add a dash of Buddha to your day as well.
It may not be Spring but it's time for me to start new and fresh. Along with getting rid of my ex, week 1 and still holding strong, I am trying something else new. Buddhism.
Don't get all Judgey McJudgerson on me just yet, I am not a religious person and thankfully Buddhism isn't a religion. In a nutshell, Buddhism is about inner peace and being a good person. The Buddha was not and still is not seen as a God or a Prophet. He was simply awakened. Always seen as a human being, no more special or more important than anyone else, he was only enlightened with knowledge and understanding of the Universe. I won't go too deep into what Buddhism is because I am still learning myself but I'll be keeping you updating on how I am adding a dash of Buddha into my day to day life.
First of all I am meditating. Which is harder than it seems, but also a lot easier than it appears. You can meditate anytime and anywhere. On your way to work at a stop light, on your break, while exercising, in the bath, in bed before you fall asleep and even in bed with your lover. That's right, you can even meditate while you're having sex, actually some people consider sex a form of meditation because you are out of your head while you are intimate with someone. Crazy! Oh yeah, by the way Buddhism, unlike most religions, doesn't frown on the fun things in life. As long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else you can pretty much do anything you want as long as it is part of your path to becoming enlightened/awakened. Suck it conventional religious conformists!
So, why is it hard for me to meditate at times? Well, getting a chance to actually push all thoughts out of my head for more than a few minutes is rather difficult with my busy life and insomnia. If I'm not working I'm trying to sleep, you would think that would be the perfect time to meditate... yeah, shut up! It's not!
Anyway, the easiest way to meditate is to put on some soothing low music, light a candle, sit on the ground on a pillow with your legs crossed and hands resting easily on your knees (palms facing upward) and close your eyes. Start out breathing normally and get yourself "centered" which means comfortable and prepared to let go of the day. Take your first deep breath and let it out slowly, then your second breath breathe in deep and then deeper still til your lungs are filled with all your negative energy and thoughts, push them all out slowly. With every breath you should feel your body relax more and more, your mind should be focused on your breathing, the soft music and the little bit of light flickering behind your eye lids.
There is no specific time that you should meditate for, as long as you are comfortable and relaxed at the end of your meditation. What does meditation do for you on your path to awakening? Don't be so feeble minded, becoming more aware of your breathing makes you more aware of the stillness that is really all around you. Knowing you're oneness with the Earth and Universe is a teaching of the Buddha, we are all connected through the same Sun, Earth, Moon, air and water. Breathing in the air that connects you with the rest of the world is humbling on some level. Not to sound like the stereotypical hippie mind you, I am not going to change my diet or bathing habits anytime soon. Trying to incorporate the Buddhas teachings into my daily life will be a positive challenge that I am very excited to share with you, and I hope I can inspire you to add a dash of Buddha to your day as well.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #14
Hey all, its been a little while since my last post. I've been working a ton and haven't had time to rant and rave about anything lately. But lucky for you I am stuck at work and have a few things on my mind.
First, I have officially been single (for the most part) for a year. To be perfectly honest, it's been a very interesting year. I have met and become strangers again to a few really interesting and nice guys. Also, in the course of the year of being somewhat single I have fallen for and had my heart broken (into a million shards) by someone whom I am still very fond of. That's right, I'm going to spill a little truth right now about how I've learned so much about dating crazy people.
My D-bag was first and foremost the most complicated yet utterly simple person that has ever walked into my life. Deep and hidden at times but mostly just a shallow goof ball. I won't go into great detail about him because I don't want to bore anyone, just know that he could probably charm the pants off of anyone with his wit and good looks. Anyway, D-bag has had my heart for about a year and has single-handedly changed my whole outlook on men and made me into a man hater for about eight months. How? Well, he's either scared of commitment or a horrible narcissistic sociopath... possibly both actually, even after knowing him for a year I still don't know. For a little under a year he has been toying with my emotions, using them to his advantage whenever possible. Because of him I have been unable to trust anyone when they say they have feelings for me, not to mention that anytime someone gets remotely close to me he some how reenters the picture and throws me into a tailspin. I ran into his muscular tattooed arms in my darkest times, when I was depressed, sad, lonely, horny, drunk and worst of all I ran to him when I was scared that someone was getting too close. He never, in my opinion, actually cared about my feelings or my needs. As long as we were hooking up at some point, he couldn't care less what came out of my mouth. I probably could have confessed to murder and he would've gone with it if I said it half naked. I actually liked that about him for a very long time. I could make a complete fool out of myself in front of him and he didn't care. Luckily, I realized that if someone could look past all the crazy things I've said or done that they didn't really care about me, it was the complete opposite and I deserved someone who would care about me enough to help me work through the crazy not just use it to their advantage.
My point to this sappy rant is that I've been single for a year and I am a completely different person. Recently I have been giving people way better advice than I have been taking for myself. So, my new goal is to give advice that I would actually take. I usually think very hard about what I say because I know that it is very hard to hear sometimes. Starting with my own problem, being addicted to someone who plays games with your emotions. WALK AWAY!! And before we get all "uumm... yeah, harder than it sounds" hear me out. Walking away from someone you care about, or in my case are addicted to, is very hard. So, how did I do it? DELETE EVERYTHING! I gave him a very simple good-bye then deleted his number and pictures. I know that I will miss him and I will think about him often, but I know that I can never move on and become a better person with him still involved with who I currently am. Giving myself space and time to breath is also how I have been able to rid myself from him. It won't be easy, and it wasn't easy getting to this point to where I could let go, but I knew it was time.
All in all so far so good. I know that I am strong and I can hold myself together when I miss him the most. The key is not to replace him with someone new, which took me a while to figure out, but to trust in myself and turn inward when I felt vulnerable and not run to him every time I was sad, depressed, or horny. Also, now when I'm scared of getting too close to someone I know that I have to work through it myself in a healthy way, not a destructive selfish way. Using him as a crutch is no longer an option if he is completely out of my life and phone contacts. So, if you take my advice and find it hard, don't worry you're not alone. It takes deep breathes and small steps to walk away from someone whom you truly love with all your heart.
First, I have officially been single (for the most part) for a year. To be perfectly honest, it's been a very interesting year. I have met and become strangers again to a few really interesting and nice guys. Also, in the course of the year of being somewhat single I have fallen for and had my heart broken (into a million shards) by someone whom I am still very fond of. That's right, I'm going to spill a little truth right now about how I've learned so much about dating crazy people.
My D-bag was first and foremost the most complicated yet utterly simple person that has ever walked into my life. Deep and hidden at times but mostly just a shallow goof ball. I won't go into great detail about him because I don't want to bore anyone, just know that he could probably charm the pants off of anyone with his wit and good looks. Anyway, D-bag has had my heart for about a year and has single-handedly changed my whole outlook on men and made me into a man hater for about eight months. How? Well, he's either scared of commitment or a horrible narcissistic sociopath... possibly both actually, even after knowing him for a year I still don't know. For a little under a year he has been toying with my emotions, using them to his advantage whenever possible. Because of him I have been unable to trust anyone when they say they have feelings for me, not to mention that anytime someone gets remotely close to me he some how reenters the picture and throws me into a tailspin. I ran into his muscular tattooed arms in my darkest times, when I was depressed, sad, lonely, horny, drunk and worst of all I ran to him when I was scared that someone was getting too close. He never, in my opinion, actually cared about my feelings or my needs. As long as we were hooking up at some point, he couldn't care less what came out of my mouth. I probably could have confessed to murder and he would've gone with it if I said it half naked. I actually liked that about him for a very long time. I could make a complete fool out of myself in front of him and he didn't care. Luckily, I realized that if someone could look past all the crazy things I've said or done that they didn't really care about me, it was the complete opposite and I deserved someone who would care about me enough to help me work through the crazy not just use it to their advantage.
My point to this sappy rant is that I've been single for a year and I am a completely different person. Recently I have been giving people way better advice than I have been taking for myself. So, my new goal is to give advice that I would actually take. I usually think very hard about what I say because I know that it is very hard to hear sometimes. Starting with my own problem, being addicted to someone who plays games with your emotions. WALK AWAY!! And before we get all "uumm... yeah, harder than it sounds" hear me out. Walking away from someone you care about, or in my case are addicted to, is very hard. So, how did I do it? DELETE EVERYTHING! I gave him a very simple good-bye then deleted his number and pictures. I know that I will miss him and I will think about him often, but I know that I can never move on and become a better person with him still involved with who I currently am. Giving myself space and time to breath is also how I have been able to rid myself from him. It won't be easy, and it wasn't easy getting to this point to where I could let go, but I knew it was time.
All in all so far so good. I know that I am strong and I can hold myself together when I miss him the most. The key is not to replace him with someone new, which took me a while to figure out, but to trust in myself and turn inward when I felt vulnerable and not run to him every time I was sad, depressed, or horny. Also, now when I'm scared of getting too close to someone I know that I have to work through it myself in a healthy way, not a destructive selfish way. Using him as a crutch is no longer an option if he is completely out of my life and phone contacts. So, if you take my advice and find it hard, don't worry you're not alone. It takes deep breathes and small steps to walk away from someone whom you truly love with all your heart.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #13
Alright, I think it's time that I did a full blown out, uncensored, raw post. This will be explicit, semi pornographic, and not to be judged.
Men, when did you all become little bitches? I feel like dudes have either become little pussies or just too damn lazy. I want a guy to just come up to me at a bar, without hesitation and full of confidence to offer me a drink (roofie free) and have a good hookup line!! Maybe it is just me, I'm told I'm fairly attractive but guys rarely approach me anywhere. I can only assume that I am either unapproachable, or that men have lost their back bone in a terrible vagina growing incident!
As I thought about this rant I thought that I would give a few pointers to those guys who want to be more outgoing and possibly encourage a few lazy asses.
To start one thing you must always remember in any situation, whether you have it or not is to BE CONFIDENT! Even if she is surrounded by a large group of girls, you will seem to have about 78% more game if you can muster up the courage to walk into the lioness den for the soul purpose of getting that one particular girl. Either way, any girl is going to be flattered that you are going to approach her in a crowded place. How can you screw that up? Oh yeah, by being a douche... Don't be that guy either.
When I talk about confidence I want you to know there is a difference between confidence and being a cocky bastard. We don't care about your car or your stupid gun collection. Oh, and we really don't care about your ex girlfriend, so please do not, in anyway, include her in your game plan! We don't care about you view on the Chick-fa-la ordeal or even what your political views are. Believe it or not, when it comes to meeting someone for the first time all we want to hear is that you think that we are pretty and you want to sit and lightly chat with us for a little while.
Still nervous? Well, aren't you lucky you stumbled upon me! Here's how you get a girl to become interested in you. No tricks or gimmicks just easy to fallow instructions that will get you that phone number and possibly an over the jeans... moving on.
When you first notice an attractive girl across the bar or restaurant or where ever you have to remember to smile. We love a good smile. There is also an amount of time to glance and then take action. Three gaze holding moments and exchange of smiles is the magic signal. Single girls on the hunt will do the once over throughout the room to see if there are any attractive potentials worth their time. Which means you'll know with in two glances if she is interested in you or not. Holding the third gaze means you have the go ahead to swagger on over and start up a convo, which should always start with but not limited to the sentence "Hey, mind if I buy you a drink?"
After you have sat, bought her a beverage and learned her name you can start a sensible conversation that should be kept light, easy and open ended. A list of easily light topics include:
Where is she from?
What does she do for work?
How loud the music is in the area you are currently talking in.
How you couldn't keep your eyes off her and you noticed her noticing you.
If she likes/knows any sports (this is for your benefit later)
Music.
Movies.
And of course the all important question, is she single and how the hell she is, if she is indeed single.
Chicks usually ask a million questions so you shouldn't be too concerned about having to think of everything to say. This is when you have to have a brain and try to notice if she is interested in your interpersonal communication skills. Is she smiling? If yes, then continue. If no, and she seems stuck up and a little dumb, this is the bailout moment and you should take it. Thank her for having a drink with you and kindly get the fuck out of there.
Warning: Girls are crazy bitches sometimes. Any sign of crazy you should hightail it out of there ASAP!
One final note. Honesty is the best way to live life. If you end up not liking a chick, tell her. You don't have to be mean about it or go into vast detail. Just plain and simple, tell her that you're just not that into her and don't lead her on for weeks just because you're not sure or you have nothing better going on right at the moment. There are millions of people on the planet so why waste her or your time?
Men, when did you all become little bitches? I feel like dudes have either become little pussies or just too damn lazy. I want a guy to just come up to me at a bar, without hesitation and full of confidence to offer me a drink (roofie free) and have a good hookup line!! Maybe it is just me, I'm told I'm fairly attractive but guys rarely approach me anywhere. I can only assume that I am either unapproachable, or that men have lost their back bone in a terrible vagina growing incident!
As I thought about this rant I thought that I would give a few pointers to those guys who want to be more outgoing and possibly encourage a few lazy asses.
To start one thing you must always remember in any situation, whether you have it or not is to BE CONFIDENT! Even if she is surrounded by a large group of girls, you will seem to have about 78% more game if you can muster up the courage to walk into the lioness den for the soul purpose of getting that one particular girl. Either way, any girl is going to be flattered that you are going to approach her in a crowded place. How can you screw that up? Oh yeah, by being a douche... Don't be that guy either.
When I talk about confidence I want you to know there is a difference between confidence and being a cocky bastard. We don't care about your car or your stupid gun collection. Oh, and we really don't care about your ex girlfriend, so please do not, in anyway, include her in your game plan! We don't care about you view on the Chick-fa-la ordeal or even what your political views are. Believe it or not, when it comes to meeting someone for the first time all we want to hear is that you think that we are pretty and you want to sit and lightly chat with us for a little while.
Still nervous? Well, aren't you lucky you stumbled upon me! Here's how you get a girl to become interested in you. No tricks or gimmicks just easy to fallow instructions that will get you that phone number and possibly an over the jeans... moving on.
When you first notice an attractive girl across the bar or restaurant or where ever you have to remember to smile. We love a good smile. There is also an amount of time to glance and then take action. Three gaze holding moments and exchange of smiles is the magic signal. Single girls on the hunt will do the once over throughout the room to see if there are any attractive potentials worth their time. Which means you'll know with in two glances if she is interested in you or not. Holding the third gaze means you have the go ahead to swagger on over and start up a convo, which should always start with but not limited to the sentence "Hey, mind if I buy you a drink?"
After you have sat, bought her a beverage and learned her name you can start a sensible conversation that should be kept light, easy and open ended. A list of easily light topics include:
Where is she from?
What does she do for work?
How loud the music is in the area you are currently talking in.
How you couldn't keep your eyes off her and you noticed her noticing you.
If she likes/knows any sports (this is for your benefit later)
Music.
Movies.
And of course the all important question, is she single and how the hell she is, if she is indeed single.
Chicks usually ask a million questions so you shouldn't be too concerned about having to think of everything to say. This is when you have to have a brain and try to notice if she is interested in your interpersonal communication skills. Is she smiling? If yes, then continue. If no, and she seems stuck up and a little dumb, this is the bailout moment and you should take it. Thank her for having a drink with you and kindly get the fuck out of there.
Warning: Girls are crazy bitches sometimes. Any sign of crazy you should hightail it out of there ASAP!
One final note. Honesty is the best way to live life. If you end up not liking a chick, tell her. You don't have to be mean about it or go into vast detail. Just plain and simple, tell her that you're just not that into her and don't lead her on for weeks just because you're not sure or you have nothing better going on right at the moment. There are millions of people on the planet so why waste her or your time?
Monday, July 30, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #12
For Anthony Carey, stay safe and keep your head up, this too shall pass.
Rejection. Unrequited love. Desperation. Heart break. Loneliness. The sheer and utter sickness of being without the person you are fool-heartedly heels over head for. These are feelings that we have all possessed for someone at some point who ripped our hearts from our chests', shredded them with their bare hands then shoved it down our throats into a deep, dark pit in our stomachs. They are always the people we care about the most, no matter how hurt we are at the end of their brutal display of their disaffection.
When it comes to emotions I wasn't dealt a full hand, a few guys I know can tell you that, but if it's one feeling I can always identify it would be pain. I have had my fair share and then some of emotional pain, obviously there are people out in the world with much larger problems and more heartbreaking situations than I have had, but since I don't know them I will continue.
Being rejected by someone you feel deeply for is not only hard to take but hard to get over as well. We try to analyze it, make excuses for it, and then of course we get angry and try to walk away from it. Unfortunately 9 times out of 10 we are unsuccessful, walking away is the hardest part of losing someone. I don't have the magic answer to get over someone quickly but I do know a few ways to get yourself through it.
First, you need to realize that they rejected you for a reason, it's not sweet or comforting to think about and you may not really know the reason. The fact is, they don't want you. Bottom line. There is something about you that they do not want romantically. DO NOT become pitiful! DO NOT chase after them! DO NOT ask them to explain or "why" a hundred times. If they don't know then its just not what they want so you need to get over it. I know that's harsh and a touch of tough love but wouldn't you rather walk away with your head held high than crawling away on your knees, broken and bleeding?
Second, occupy your time. Sitting around waiting for them to come around, if they ever do, is going to drive you crazy and quite frankly is going to make you look even more pathetic. Find a new hobby, go out with friends, take some classes at a local community college, get a second job somewhere fun (and where you can get a discount on your favorite items) or even fitness. Fitness not only makes you look better but if makes you feel better, while you are running on the treadmill you are producing "feel good" chemicals that are pumping all through your body. Not only will occupying your time help you feel better but sometimes, spiteful immature people see you are happy without them and may start to think about why they left you in the first place. That is a huge "if" by the way, not "get them back" advice.
Lets stop for a second and talk about why people reject others. Commitment, intimacy and rejection fears of their own, they may be rejecting you without really knowing why. Or they like torturing people and just want to hurt someone to feel like they are in control. Although, sometimes its as simple as you are the one with the problems or they simply just don't have the same feelings you do. You can't blame them or hate them for their feelings, it's not like you haven't had these feelings about someone else at one point so you should understand.
Now for your final piece of advice to get your mind off of you're new found independence. Invest in yourself and have confidence. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is the best way to invest, its not always about money. Going to a spa, getting a massage, buying a new outfit, joining a gym or fitness club will not only make you feel better but it'll give you confidence. I preach confidence fairly regularly because you should be confident. You are an amazing person and there will be someone out there to love and care for you. Having confidence and knowing your worth is so important when it comes to finding your true happiness. My favorite quote is "You have to love yourself, before someone else can love you", and it's so true. I've said this to a few people and its kind of harsh but if you are a pathetic, depressed mess why would anyone want to be pathetically depressed with you?
So, to wrap it all up with a pretty pink bow rejection is a natural part of dating and life. If life was perfect for everyone we wouldn't be humans. You can always learn something about life with every painful experience. Some times it makes you bitter, I've been there, but sometimes it can also teach you how to survive emotionally. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
This subject came to me from someone who didn't really ask for my advice, but I find that my best advice is unsolicited.
Rejection. Unrequited love. Desperation. Heart break. Loneliness. The sheer and utter sickness of being without the person you are fool-heartedly heels over head for. These are feelings that we have all possessed for someone at some point who ripped our hearts from our chests', shredded them with their bare hands then shoved it down our throats into a deep, dark pit in our stomachs. They are always the people we care about the most, no matter how hurt we are at the end of their brutal display of their disaffection.
When it comes to emotions I wasn't dealt a full hand, a few guys I know can tell you that, but if it's one feeling I can always identify it would be pain. I have had my fair share and then some of emotional pain, obviously there are people out in the world with much larger problems and more heartbreaking situations than I have had, but since I don't know them I will continue.
Being rejected by someone you feel deeply for is not only hard to take but hard to get over as well. We try to analyze it, make excuses for it, and then of course we get angry and try to walk away from it. Unfortunately 9 times out of 10 we are unsuccessful, walking away is the hardest part of losing someone. I don't have the magic answer to get over someone quickly but I do know a few ways to get yourself through it.
First, you need to realize that they rejected you for a reason, it's not sweet or comforting to think about and you may not really know the reason. The fact is, they don't want you. Bottom line. There is something about you that they do not want romantically. DO NOT become pitiful! DO NOT chase after them! DO NOT ask them to explain or "why" a hundred times. If they don't know then its just not what they want so you need to get over it. I know that's harsh and a touch of tough love but wouldn't you rather walk away with your head held high than crawling away on your knees, broken and bleeding?
Second, occupy your time. Sitting around waiting for them to come around, if they ever do, is going to drive you crazy and quite frankly is going to make you look even more pathetic. Find a new hobby, go out with friends, take some classes at a local community college, get a second job somewhere fun (and where you can get a discount on your favorite items) or even fitness. Fitness not only makes you look better but if makes you feel better, while you are running on the treadmill you are producing "feel good" chemicals that are pumping all through your body. Not only will occupying your time help you feel better but sometimes, spiteful immature people see you are happy without them and may start to think about why they left you in the first place. That is a huge "if" by the way, not "get them back" advice.
Lets stop for a second and talk about why people reject others. Commitment, intimacy and rejection fears of their own, they may be rejecting you without really knowing why. Or they like torturing people and just want to hurt someone to feel like they are in control. Although, sometimes its as simple as you are the one with the problems or they simply just don't have the same feelings you do. You can't blame them or hate them for their feelings, it's not like you haven't had these feelings about someone else at one point so you should understand.
Now for your final piece of advice to get your mind off of you're new found independence. Invest in yourself and have confidence. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is the best way to invest, its not always about money. Going to a spa, getting a massage, buying a new outfit, joining a gym or fitness club will not only make you feel better but it'll give you confidence. I preach confidence fairly regularly because you should be confident. You are an amazing person and there will be someone out there to love and care for you. Having confidence and knowing your worth is so important when it comes to finding your true happiness. My favorite quote is "You have to love yourself, before someone else can love you", and it's so true. I've said this to a few people and its kind of harsh but if you are a pathetic, depressed mess why would anyone want to be pathetically depressed with you?
So, to wrap it all up with a pretty pink bow rejection is a natural part of dating and life. If life was perfect for everyone we wouldn't be humans. You can always learn something about life with every painful experience. Some times it makes you bitter, I've been there, but sometimes it can also teach you how to survive emotionally. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
This subject came to me from someone who didn't really ask for my advice, but I find that my best advice is unsolicited.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Bedside Blogger #11
Ok, rant time.
Today, I am annoyed with marriage. Not that I think marriage is bad or that people shouldn't get married but I'm annoyed that people are getting married so young and not treating it like a real commitment! Get married at 22, that's fine, but don't be surprised when you are bored after a year and end up getting divorced over stupid shit.
Story time. About two years ago I was invited to a wedding for a girl that I had worked with for a little while. I had no idea she had even been dating this guy for about a year and now she was getting married. I figured I would go and be supportive as she would be the first person I knew in my age group to get married. Well, I actually missed the wedding because I got the date wrong but no worry the marriage only lasted about a month... literally! Her Facebook relationship status changed so quickly I assumed it never changed. I never figured out why it didn't work out for sure but I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that she is pretty much a big kid and is in no way ready for that type of commitment or responsibility.
It's not that I think that everyone that gets married too young will fail miserably and end up fucking up their lives... although I would be about 60% correct, not a high enough percentage you say? Really? Lets think about this a little more. If 60% of airplanes crashed would you get on one? Or what if 40% of condoms didn't break... yeah, scary right! I know!
But, to prove I am not against marriage I will say that I know a few people my age or younger even who are married and very happy. My best friend in California for instance, has been married for about two years. Her husband is a U.S. Marine and they have two beautiful children together. I am jealous of her completely! She has some how made a life for herself, her kids and her husband so wonderful and full of love. She admits that at times it is hard and she has even said she wishes she would've waited, but then she looks at her babies and knows that they are worth more than anything she could get in the single world.
Another great example of young marriage gone right is my Uncle and his wife. They just welcomed their first child into the world and yes, they had their rocky points but they are so happy to have made it though the bad.
Not all good young marriages have to include kids either. I went to college with two girls that got married while in school and they are both insanely happy with their spouses and without kids for now. How do they do it? Well, I would say a big part of it was that they weren't in any rush. They knew they wanted to be with their significant others for the rest of their lives but also knew they wanted that title of husband and wife (aka that ring). They also had been dating their husbands for longer than 3 years. And were also engaged for quite a while before the actual knot was tied.
I myself have been proposed to a couple times and almost went through with it once, long story. But in the long run I knew it wasn't going to work out because I wasn't ready for that type of commitment and responsibility. A lot of girls see a wedding as a big party to show how grown up they are and don't see that its about celebrating the love you share with someone that you never want to sleep without, someone you never want to see walk out the door without saying you love them or kissing them good-bye.
Marriage is also about helping each other through the hard times. Deaths, births, moves, jobs, careers (there is a difference), sickness, and life altering experiences. I just don't think that younger people see that a marriage isn't about a big party or living with someone or even being with someone forever. A marriage is about trust, friendship, commitment, dedication and a deep connection with someone that you don't want to have with anyone else. Maybe that's just my mushy girly side coming out but these little bitches running around getting engaged at the age of 18 and 19 thinking they know what they are doing... just makes me so mad and honestly why would even make that an option in your life so young? I can personally say that its a bad idea and it should never be an option! There is always time to get married later in life.
Oh and being comfortable with someone isn't a good enough reason either! This statement should never come out of your mouth "Well, we have been together so long, we may as well get married". What. The. Fuck... No! Stop that right now!!
People get divorced after 20 years of marriage, being in a relationship for three years and getting married because you are just scared to start over with someone else should not be a reason to get married!! Yeah, sounds crazy, but I hear this reason way too often.
To conclude this rant the bottom line is stop being stupid! Marriage should still be sacred and treated like a real institution not some temporary living situation.
YOLO isn't a good enough reason either... stupid.
Today, I am annoyed with marriage. Not that I think marriage is bad or that people shouldn't get married but I'm annoyed that people are getting married so young and not treating it like a real commitment! Get married at 22, that's fine, but don't be surprised when you are bored after a year and end up getting divorced over stupid shit.
Story time. About two years ago I was invited to a wedding for a girl that I had worked with for a little while. I had no idea she had even been dating this guy for about a year and now she was getting married. I figured I would go and be supportive as she would be the first person I knew in my age group to get married. Well, I actually missed the wedding because I got the date wrong but no worry the marriage only lasted about a month... literally! Her Facebook relationship status changed so quickly I assumed it never changed. I never figured out why it didn't work out for sure but I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that she is pretty much a big kid and is in no way ready for that type of commitment or responsibility.
It's not that I think that everyone that gets married too young will fail miserably and end up fucking up their lives... although I would be about 60% correct, not a high enough percentage you say? Really? Lets think about this a little more. If 60% of airplanes crashed would you get on one? Or what if 40% of condoms didn't break... yeah, scary right! I know!
But, to prove I am not against marriage I will say that I know a few people my age or younger even who are married and very happy. My best friend in California for instance, has been married for about two years. Her husband is a U.S. Marine and they have two beautiful children together. I am jealous of her completely! She has some how made a life for herself, her kids and her husband so wonderful and full of love. She admits that at times it is hard and she has even said she wishes she would've waited, but then she looks at her babies and knows that they are worth more than anything she could get in the single world.
Another great example of young marriage gone right is my Uncle and his wife. They just welcomed their first child into the world and yes, they had their rocky points but they are so happy to have made it though the bad.
Not all good young marriages have to include kids either. I went to college with two girls that got married while in school and they are both insanely happy with their spouses and without kids for now. How do they do it? Well, I would say a big part of it was that they weren't in any rush. They knew they wanted to be with their significant others for the rest of their lives but also knew they wanted that title of husband and wife (aka that ring). They also had been dating their husbands for longer than 3 years. And were also engaged for quite a while before the actual knot was tied.
I myself have been proposed to a couple times and almost went through with it once, long story. But in the long run I knew it wasn't going to work out because I wasn't ready for that type of commitment and responsibility. A lot of girls see a wedding as a big party to show how grown up they are and don't see that its about celebrating the love you share with someone that you never want to sleep without, someone you never want to see walk out the door without saying you love them or kissing them good-bye.
Marriage is also about helping each other through the hard times. Deaths, births, moves, jobs, careers (there is a difference), sickness, and life altering experiences. I just don't think that younger people see that a marriage isn't about a big party or living with someone or even being with someone forever. A marriage is about trust, friendship, commitment, dedication and a deep connection with someone that you don't want to have with anyone else. Maybe that's just my mushy girly side coming out but these little bitches running around getting engaged at the age of 18 and 19 thinking they know what they are doing... just makes me so mad and honestly why would even make that an option in your life so young? I can personally say that its a bad idea and it should never be an option! There is always time to get married later in life.
Oh and being comfortable with someone isn't a good enough reason either! This statement should never come out of your mouth "Well, we have been together so long, we may as well get married". What. The. Fuck... No! Stop that right now!!
People get divorced after 20 years of marriage, being in a relationship for three years and getting married because you are just scared to start over with someone else should not be a reason to get married!! Yeah, sounds crazy, but I hear this reason way too often.
To conclude this rant the bottom line is stop being stupid! Marriage should still be sacred and treated like a real institution not some temporary living situation.
YOLO isn't a good enough reason either... stupid.
The Bedside Blogger #10
I have been a little recluse lately but I'm back with a few things that have been on my mind. The first being about myself and my love life, I'm a single 22 year old who works 50 hrs a week... I have nothing else to really think about. Let me also explain that realistically speaking I don't have much of a love life. I don't know if it is me or them but, lately men just haven't seen me as "girlfriend material", which is fine for now. More on that later, now, moving on to the first thing on my mind. Girlfriend obligations.
When it comes to dating I'm not really in the game lately, but when it comes to being a girlfriend I'm a all-star! I'll do pretty much anything for a guy, and I'm horrible when it comes to gift giving! I once bought a boyfriend an Xbox 360 just for graduation the police academy! Don't even get me started on Christmas, other holidays or anniversaries it's disgusting!! Anyway, I was thinking about gifts that could be enjoyed by more than one person. Let face it, most relationships don't last longer than 6 months and all those expensive gifts go to waste.
Ladies, the next time you want to treat your guy, instead of giving physical gifts do something for him instead. For instance, a gentlemen I know really likes to be massages, what guys doesn't? He suggested I take some massage classes, which I wouldn't do for someone I am just casually seeing but it was a good idea that I had to share. In fact, there are a ton of classes us girls can take to "give" to our guys. Here's a quick list of classes to take by yourself or as a couple to spice things up:
Cooking classes of any kind
Wine and cheese pairings
Massage
Hot couples Yoga
Couples retreats(not really a class but they are great for relationship tuneups)
Pole dancing classes (don't act like you're too good ladies)
Rock climbing
Surfing
Mountain Biking
Parasailing
Propelling
Sex seminars (I couldn't think of a better way to spend an afternoon)
Ballroom dancing
Fishing
White water rafting
Hunting
The list goes on and on depending on what your guy is into, also never underestimate the power of a sex shop. These are also things you can re-gift a hundred times over! I've heard a few times that most guys appreciate actions more than gifts so why not enjoy it too.
Of course guys don't mind showing off a new watch or iPad, but being able to tell his buddies that his girl surprised him with a semi-pro strip show... ummm yeah, who will be Mr. Popular that week?
Well, that's enough out of me for now, before I post I just want to say that being single is fun and exciting most of the time, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone special that I could do these things for and with.
Here are a few websites to look up in the Indy area for some couple fun classes.
www.kisszcook.com/
http://www.goby.com/whitewater-rafting--near--indianapolis-in
www.cookinggreekindy.com
www.poleupindy.com/
www.indypoledancers.com/
www.indyballroom.com/
www.climbtimeindy.com/
www.ledanseballroom.com/
www.sybaris.com
www.explorebrowncounty.com/zip-lines
http://localmarket.hotdateideas.com/Couples_Cooking_Classes_Indianapolis_IN-p1548283-Indianapolis_IN.html
http://livingsocial.com/cities/861-indianapolis-carmel-fishers
http://doingindy.com/2012/02/23/couples-art-classes-at-the-indianapolis-art-center/
When it comes to dating I'm not really in the game lately, but when it comes to being a girlfriend I'm a all-star! I'll do pretty much anything for a guy, and I'm horrible when it comes to gift giving! I once bought a boyfriend an Xbox 360 just for graduation the police academy! Don't even get me started on Christmas, other holidays or anniversaries it's disgusting!! Anyway, I was thinking about gifts that could be enjoyed by more than one person. Let face it, most relationships don't last longer than 6 months and all those expensive gifts go to waste.
Ladies, the next time you want to treat your guy, instead of giving physical gifts do something for him instead. For instance, a gentlemen I know really likes to be massages, what guys doesn't? He suggested I take some massage classes, which I wouldn't do for someone I am just casually seeing but it was a good idea that I had to share. In fact, there are a ton of classes us girls can take to "give" to our guys. Here's a quick list of classes to take by yourself or as a couple to spice things up:
Cooking classes of any kind
Wine and cheese pairings
Massage
Hot couples Yoga
Couples retreats(not really a class but they are great for relationship tuneups)
Pole dancing classes (don't act like you're too good ladies)
Rock climbing
Surfing
Mountain Biking
Parasailing
Propelling
Sex seminars (I couldn't think of a better way to spend an afternoon)
Ballroom dancing
Fishing
White water rafting
Hunting
The list goes on and on depending on what your guy is into, also never underestimate the power of a sex shop. These are also things you can re-gift a hundred times over! I've heard a few times that most guys appreciate actions more than gifts so why not enjoy it too.
Of course guys don't mind showing off a new watch or iPad, but being able to tell his buddies that his girl surprised him with a semi-pro strip show... ummm yeah, who will be Mr. Popular that week?
Well, that's enough out of me for now, before I post I just want to say that being single is fun and exciting most of the time, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone special that I could do these things for and with.
Here are a few websites to look up in the Indy area for some couple fun classes.
www.kisszcook.com/
http://www.goby.com/whitewater-rafting--near--indianapolis-in
www.cookinggreekindy.com
www.poleupindy.com/
www.indypoledancers.com/
www.indyballroom.com/
www.climbtimeindy.com/
www.ledanseballroom.com/
www.sybaris.com
www.explorebrowncounty.com/zip-lines
http://localmarket.hotdateideas.com/Couples_Cooking_Classes_Indianapolis_IN-p1548283-Indianapolis_IN.html
http://livingsocial.com/cities/861-indianapolis-carmel-fishers
http://doingindy.com/2012/02/23/couples-art-classes-at-the-indianapolis-art-center/
Thursday, July 19, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #9
Right away I'd like to say thank you to my readers :)! As a new blogger anyone reading my posts gets me excited! But today when I logged in I noticed that I reached the 300+ mark and that made my whole day!
I'd like to invite everyone to send me a comment or even an email with a suggestion on a post, Whether it be an advice piece or a rant.
kathrynelucas@yahoo.com
Thank you again and I will continue to rant and advice without any prompt!
I'd like to invite everyone to send me a comment or even an email with a suggestion on a post, Whether it be an advice piece or a rant.
kathrynelucas@yahoo.com
Thank you again and I will continue to rant and advice without any prompt!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #8
My Really Weird Day
Today has been really weird for me. I don't usually have the feeling of need for physical contact but for some reason I wanted a hug, not just any kind of hug though, a real caring hug. Couldn't explain the urge at all. Also, at one point I had an intense feeling to cry, but was not sad and a moment later I was just as happy as could be. Weird, right?
Anyway, something I was thinking about earlier was the difference between relationships about 35 to 60 years ago and relationships now is distance. The internet and wide spread social media has broadened the relationship horizon. In a sociology class I took in college we discussed the bases of relationships and aside from similarities in personality one huge reason for any relationship is proximity. If you look at your best friends think back to how you met them, you more than likely met in school, work or social setting that had a fairly close proximity to your home.
There is a story I heard from someone at work that just melts my heart and gives me a little hope whenever I think about it and I wanted to share it, I have changed the names so that I don't violate HIPPA.
About 65 years ago Donna was 16, living on her own in Chicago. Going to school and working part time. Donna was downtown shopping on a fresh spring day and on this particular day there was a bunch of sailors home on leave for the weekend. As she walked down the street she notices a group of them across the street from the dime store, one in particular was staring. She didn't think much of it and walked into the store, a minute later John walked in and started to wonder about the store. John watched her from afar while she shopped, which wasn't very long, right before she left the store he approached her and confessed that she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and couldn't leave Chicago without knowing her name. She of course was flattered and gave the young sailor her name along with her address for him to write to her while he was gone for 2 years.
They wrote to each other everyday and saw each other only a handful of times while he was in the military. They built a real relationship through paper and ink.
I don't believe it was love at first sight of course, but Nicholas Sparks couldn't write a better love story if he was drunk off of love potion #9. They lived a wonderful life together for over 60 years. Having 4 beautiful children, one they adopted from China. They were always happy and smiling, till about a year ago when John couldn't fight his cancer anymore. He had been sick for a very long time. Donna still weeps for him, and that, my friends, is real love.
As beautiful and romantic as this story is I can't help but think what would happen if the same thing would happen in this day and age. A guy fallowing you into a store and watching you while you shop, then stopping you just to ask for your name sounds like stalking to me and I would surely call the cops. Also, if you did somehow see past the stalker like tendencies would you really want to write to someone for two years without knowing them? Along with the fact that people now a days aren't as genuine or as patient. Who could really wait for someone for two years? I know that I couldn't, we are a generation of instant satisfaction. We have apps and short cuts for everything! There is so much temptation in the world today also that promising someone that for two years you will not look at any other person is just a flat out lie.
I don't think all romance is dead, I see romance fairly often and would be tickled if someone wanted to be romantic with me, I just think that romance is very different now and it kind of makes me sad to see the difference. Our world is so crazy and mixed up, we have to be more aware if someone is going to rape us after a first date rather than if that person is going to call us with in two days. But I suppose that is how the world works, I'm sure that in about 65 years someone will look back on to someones love story and think it is old fashioned to meet someone from college or work to settle down with.
Just a weird thing that was going through my head today that I thought I would share.
Today has been really weird for me. I don't usually have the feeling of need for physical contact but for some reason I wanted a hug, not just any kind of hug though, a real caring hug. Couldn't explain the urge at all. Also, at one point I had an intense feeling to cry, but was not sad and a moment later I was just as happy as could be. Weird, right?
Anyway, something I was thinking about earlier was the difference between relationships about 35 to 60 years ago and relationships now is distance. The internet and wide spread social media has broadened the relationship horizon. In a sociology class I took in college we discussed the bases of relationships and aside from similarities in personality one huge reason for any relationship is proximity. If you look at your best friends think back to how you met them, you more than likely met in school, work or social setting that had a fairly close proximity to your home.
There is a story I heard from someone at work that just melts my heart and gives me a little hope whenever I think about it and I wanted to share it, I have changed the names so that I don't violate HIPPA.
About 65 years ago Donna was 16, living on her own in Chicago. Going to school and working part time. Donna was downtown shopping on a fresh spring day and on this particular day there was a bunch of sailors home on leave for the weekend. As she walked down the street she notices a group of them across the street from the dime store, one in particular was staring. She didn't think much of it and walked into the store, a minute later John walked in and started to wonder about the store. John watched her from afar while she shopped, which wasn't very long, right before she left the store he approached her and confessed that she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and couldn't leave Chicago without knowing her name. She of course was flattered and gave the young sailor her name along with her address for him to write to her while he was gone for 2 years.
They wrote to each other everyday and saw each other only a handful of times while he was in the military. They built a real relationship through paper and ink.
I don't believe it was love at first sight of course, but Nicholas Sparks couldn't write a better love story if he was drunk off of love potion #9. They lived a wonderful life together for over 60 years. Having 4 beautiful children, one they adopted from China. They were always happy and smiling, till about a year ago when John couldn't fight his cancer anymore. He had been sick for a very long time. Donna still weeps for him, and that, my friends, is real love.
As beautiful and romantic as this story is I can't help but think what would happen if the same thing would happen in this day and age. A guy fallowing you into a store and watching you while you shop, then stopping you just to ask for your name sounds like stalking to me and I would surely call the cops. Also, if you did somehow see past the stalker like tendencies would you really want to write to someone for two years without knowing them? Along with the fact that people now a days aren't as genuine or as patient. Who could really wait for someone for two years? I know that I couldn't, we are a generation of instant satisfaction. We have apps and short cuts for everything! There is so much temptation in the world today also that promising someone that for two years you will not look at any other person is just a flat out lie.
I don't think all romance is dead, I see romance fairly often and would be tickled if someone wanted to be romantic with me, I just think that romance is very different now and it kind of makes me sad to see the difference. Our world is so crazy and mixed up, we have to be more aware if someone is going to rape us after a first date rather than if that person is going to call us with in two days. But I suppose that is how the world works, I'm sure that in about 65 years someone will look back on to someones love story and think it is old fashioned to meet someone from college or work to settle down with.
Just a weird thing that was going through my head today that I thought I would share.
The Bedside Blogger #7
I feel like it is no big secret that I don't put a whole lot of faith in love and I should explain myself a little bit since most of my posts have been more against love and feeling than how to not be a crazy bitch high on natural body chemicals.
I'll start by saying that I always thought falling in love someone was supposed to feel like magic, a connection you've never had with anyone else. And maybe I just haven't felt that love before and that makes me doubt it, or maybe my expectations of love just are too high but I am pretty sure I have felt that I was in love before and I have felt connected with someone but they have never felt the same.
Side note: Every guy I've ever felt like I had feelings for has been a total selfish prick, which is probably why I liked them so much. But don't let that discredit me, knowing and feeling for them has taught me everything I know and I know a lot.
Back to the subject at hand, my reasoning behind my views on love. I have never had love proven to me, aside from family and friendship. Most people would say that is all I really need, those people have loving spouses or are even bigger man haters than I am. I am not a religious person either, I believe very heavily that everything can be explained with science and reasoning. My idea of spirituality is Karma, if you are a good person and try your hardest in every situation that you will be taken care of by the universe, or whatever guiding force that drives us through life. I feel like religious sometime has a part in how people love one another. If you believe in fairy tales than you are more than likely to be able to fall for that bull easier.
Another reason I am not a promoter of emotional love is that I feel like there is too much game play and drama. I know many couples that don't have drama at all and are very happy, but they are also pretty bored. Then there are those couples that fight and argue just to make up, I see it as game play. I hate to argue or fight, I had a relationship a long time ago that all we ever did was fight and argue about things that didn't matter, not that I regret that relationship ending, it was horribly toxic and needed to be over before it began. I've also had relationships that nothing was ever expressed or discussed... they didn't last very long. One of the worse feelings in relationships I have felt was wanting and caring for someone and finding out that they do not have the same feelings for you. I have no advice for getting over this feeling except that it is simply how the game is played. To keep certain peoples interest you have to play hard to get, and if you are like me you don't want to have to pretend you do not have feelings for them, you don't want to turn away from them or be destructive. If you are like me, you want to be able to fully want that person and have them want you in return. Maybe that is the underlying reason I have gotten so close to giving up on love, I am no longer tolerant of unrequited feelings and not ready to be stomped all over again.
Side note: Some advice really quick to go with my pointlessness, if you are in an argument and you know that it is pointless and you are done with it here is a simple solution, get NAKED. You can't argue naked.
I guess this rant and look into my thoughts all boils down to even though I am not a huge believer in true love, I have the experience of what not to do to get the guy you want, and if someone has already done that then maybe they can shed some light on the right way?
I'll start by saying that I always thought falling in love someone was supposed to feel like magic, a connection you've never had with anyone else. And maybe I just haven't felt that love before and that makes me doubt it, or maybe my expectations of love just are too high but I am pretty sure I have felt that I was in love before and I have felt connected with someone but they have never felt the same.
Side note: Every guy I've ever felt like I had feelings for has been a total selfish prick, which is probably why I liked them so much. But don't let that discredit me, knowing and feeling for them has taught me everything I know and I know a lot.
Back to the subject at hand, my reasoning behind my views on love. I have never had love proven to me, aside from family and friendship. Most people would say that is all I really need, those people have loving spouses or are even bigger man haters than I am. I am not a religious person either, I believe very heavily that everything can be explained with science and reasoning. My idea of spirituality is Karma, if you are a good person and try your hardest in every situation that you will be taken care of by the universe, or whatever guiding force that drives us through life. I feel like religious sometime has a part in how people love one another. If you believe in fairy tales than you are more than likely to be able to fall for that bull easier.
Another reason I am not a promoter of emotional love is that I feel like there is too much game play and drama. I know many couples that don't have drama at all and are very happy, but they are also pretty bored. Then there are those couples that fight and argue just to make up, I see it as game play. I hate to argue or fight, I had a relationship a long time ago that all we ever did was fight and argue about things that didn't matter, not that I regret that relationship ending, it was horribly toxic and needed to be over before it began. I've also had relationships that nothing was ever expressed or discussed... they didn't last very long. One of the worse feelings in relationships I have felt was wanting and caring for someone and finding out that they do not have the same feelings for you. I have no advice for getting over this feeling except that it is simply how the game is played. To keep certain peoples interest you have to play hard to get, and if you are like me you don't want to have to pretend you do not have feelings for them, you don't want to turn away from them or be destructive. If you are like me, you want to be able to fully want that person and have them want you in return. Maybe that is the underlying reason I have gotten so close to giving up on love, I am no longer tolerant of unrequited feelings and not ready to be stomped all over again.
Side note: Some advice really quick to go with my pointlessness, if you are in an argument and you know that it is pointless and you are done with it here is a simple solution, get NAKED. You can't argue naked.
I guess this rant and look into my thoughts all boils down to even though I am not a huge believer in true love, I have the experience of what not to do to get the guy you want, and if someone has already done that then maybe they can shed some light on the right way?
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #6
Oh, couples. You're all so cute with your cheesy Facebook posts and adorable pictures of your obvious staged perfect couples kiss. And all you guys in relationships doing such sweet things for your girls, no wonder they can't keep from gushing all over about how much they "love their man".
Stop it.
I'm not trying to be a bitch but I'm really sick and tired of seeing "I love him so much" after you've only known this guy for two weeks. I have already explained what makes that love feeling in previous posts so I won't go into detail, but come one people!! Are we still in high school?
I have a friend, whom I care about deeply, known for years and admire very much, and she has been in a relationship for over a year with someone that she does love very much. How do I know this? Not because she vomits lovely poetry, "I love you Blank Blank Blankerson" posts or because she has kissy face pictures uploading on a daily basis, but because she actually believes in love. She has worked hard to keep their connection tight and when it faults from time to time she usually freaks out a little about normal girl worries and some times I get to listen and give a little advice. That to me is normal love, not saying it a million times for the whole world to read and then break up a week later over something really stupid and making an even bigger display over how "heart broken" you are, just to jump into another relationship a week later and the cycle continues every few months.
Now, I'm not saying that love at first sight can't happen or that I don't believe in love at all (getting there but working on it)but... Actually, who am I kidding, I don't believe in "love at first sight", that is called infatuation and lust. To really love someone you should probably know more about them then the standard "getting to know someone" questions. Attraction is a huge part of falling in love with someone, but basing a should-be deep feeling on how you felt the moment you saw them is just insane.
Saying "I love you" should be a huge commitment. When you say you love a friend or a food group its way different than saying it to someone that you are planning to be with for a little while and people should treat it as such.
I don't think I'm perfect by any means, I have had these crazy feelings before and like everyone else I figured out pretty quick that those were just "honeymoon" feelings. Those experiences have taught me a lot about who I am and what love style I am. They have also taught me where the fine line between love and crazy is... less than many people think. Everyone sees these things differently but shouldn't everyone realize that the addictive properties of early infatuation are what drives us in most relationships?
In short, stop infecting my feed with your crazy. You really don't "love him" if you have only been together for less 4 months. How could you possibly be that invested in someone that they are all you have to talk about all day everyday? Unless you are trying to shove it in peoples faces on purpose, which is a whole other batch of crazy that I just don't have time to touch on.
Stop it.
I'm not trying to be a bitch but I'm really sick and tired of seeing "I love him so much" after you've only known this guy for two weeks. I have already explained what makes that love feeling in previous posts so I won't go into detail, but come one people!! Are we still in high school?
I have a friend, whom I care about deeply, known for years and admire very much, and she has been in a relationship for over a year with someone that she does love very much. How do I know this? Not because she vomits lovely poetry, "I love you Blank Blank Blankerson" posts or because she has kissy face pictures uploading on a daily basis, but because she actually believes in love. She has worked hard to keep their connection tight and when it faults from time to time she usually freaks out a little about normal girl worries and some times I get to listen and give a little advice. That to me is normal love, not saying it a million times for the whole world to read and then break up a week later over something really stupid and making an even bigger display over how "heart broken" you are, just to jump into another relationship a week later and the cycle continues every few months.
Now, I'm not saying that love at first sight can't happen or that I don't believe in love at all (getting there but working on it)but... Actually, who am I kidding, I don't believe in "love at first sight", that is called infatuation and lust. To really love someone you should probably know more about them then the standard "getting to know someone" questions. Attraction is a huge part of falling in love with someone, but basing a should-be deep feeling on how you felt the moment you saw them is just insane.
Saying "I love you" should be a huge commitment. When you say you love a friend or a food group its way different than saying it to someone that you are planning to be with for a little while and people should treat it as such.
I don't think I'm perfect by any means, I have had these crazy feelings before and like everyone else I figured out pretty quick that those were just "honeymoon" feelings. Those experiences have taught me a lot about who I am and what love style I am. They have also taught me where the fine line between love and crazy is... less than many people think. Everyone sees these things differently but shouldn't everyone realize that the addictive properties of early infatuation are what drives us in most relationships?
In short, stop infecting my feed with your crazy. You really don't "love him" if you have only been together for less 4 months. How could you possibly be that invested in someone that they are all you have to talk about all day everyday? Unless you are trying to shove it in peoples faces on purpose, which is a whole other batch of crazy that I just don't have time to touch on.
Monday, July 16, 2012
The Bedside Blogger #5
50 Shades of Grey
I have just started this book, I don't really get a chance to read often, but already I'm really bored. I'm on the 6th chapter and nothing is happening. I feel like I'm watching the first 5 episodes of this seasons True Blood(slow and pointless). I would like to know what all the hype is about to be honest. Unlike most women I see nothing wrong with strip clubs or porn and I really don't think that women should judge other women or men even for enjoying such activities. Also, with Magic Mike out in theaters they have no room to talk.
Anyway, while reading the first 6 chapters of 50 shades I stated to think about Grey and if I would be attracted to him as the main character is. I have been picturing him as Eric Northman from True Blood, only because I heard a rumor that he might take the roll in the up coming movie, and so that I would be physically attracted to him. But the arrogance and weird way this guy talks just throws me completely off. I'm sorry, but if some rich dude asked me to coffee and held my had the whole time I'd be a little more than frazzled, who holds hands with someone they barely know?!? I've been in relationships that I barely touch them in public, not because we didn't have feelings for each other but because we aren't 13 years old!
I was also warned that the level of reading was fairly low but this women uses the same descriptive word multiple times in a paragraph, and not in an ironic way! I am going to power through it because I already bought the book and everyone is talking about it which usually means that it is good at some point. We shall see about this.
Back to Mr. Grey, I don't see the attraction at all, aside from my own fantasy of Eric Northman. I get that he is rich and intelligent but everything else about him makes me recoil. That much arrogance and palpable narcissism just makes me wonder how sick women really are inside. We want someone to make us feel vulnerable and childish... Daddy issues much? And really, a man in Grey's position in life would never go to the lengths that this character has just to seduce a college senior. Grey has power, money, and looks. Please tell me why he would be so enthralled with a random girl he met once for an interview. I have come to the conclusion that generally women want to feel like they are special just the way they are. Well, listen to a Bruno Mars song, no rich, handsome man is going to realistically tract you down from about a state away, seduce you into being his submissive, fall for you and eventually not break your heart... Come on girls, we aren't that naive.
I understand this is a subculture within the fetish community and like anything to do with human sexuality it interests me but I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. Probably because the characters are so ill-spoken, all the dialogue so far has been rigid and stuffy, not one of the characters has a personality. The only character that is remotely literate and lively is Grey, but even he sounds like a standardized test model most of the time. I really hope that the writers of the screen play will create better conversations that aren't so painfully awkward to read.
I have the sinking feeling that there will be many erotica novels published after this that will also be poorly written and wildly popular because they are promoted right.
To wrap up my rant I will just say that I am going to read the books with the idea that Mr. Northman will not disappoint, and to further express the bad taste that this fantasy is leaving in my mouth I will only watch the movie if Eric Northman is indeed portraying Christian Grey, they writers have nothing to do with the original author and the actress that is picked to be Ana is prettier than Bella from "Twatlight"(not a misspelling). That would be the only way it would be worth seeing.
I have just started this book, I don't really get a chance to read often, but already I'm really bored. I'm on the 6th chapter and nothing is happening. I feel like I'm watching the first 5 episodes of this seasons True Blood(slow and pointless). I would like to know what all the hype is about to be honest. Unlike most women I see nothing wrong with strip clubs or porn and I really don't think that women should judge other women or men even for enjoying such activities. Also, with Magic Mike out in theaters they have no room to talk.
Anyway, while reading the first 6 chapters of 50 shades I stated to think about Grey and if I would be attracted to him as the main character is. I have been picturing him as Eric Northman from True Blood, only because I heard a rumor that he might take the roll in the up coming movie, and so that I would be physically attracted to him. But the arrogance and weird way this guy talks just throws me completely off. I'm sorry, but if some rich dude asked me to coffee and held my had the whole time I'd be a little more than frazzled, who holds hands with someone they barely know?!? I've been in relationships that I barely touch them in public, not because we didn't have feelings for each other but because we aren't 13 years old!
I was also warned that the level of reading was fairly low but this women uses the same descriptive word multiple times in a paragraph, and not in an ironic way! I am going to power through it because I already bought the book and everyone is talking about it which usually means that it is good at some point. We shall see about this.
Back to Mr. Grey, I don't see the attraction at all, aside from my own fantasy of Eric Northman. I get that he is rich and intelligent but everything else about him makes me recoil. That much arrogance and palpable narcissism just makes me wonder how sick women really are inside. We want someone to make us feel vulnerable and childish... Daddy issues much? And really, a man in Grey's position in life would never go to the lengths that this character has just to seduce a college senior. Grey has power, money, and looks. Please tell me why he would be so enthralled with a random girl he met once for an interview. I have come to the conclusion that generally women want to feel like they are special just the way they are. Well, listen to a Bruno Mars song, no rich, handsome man is going to realistically tract you down from about a state away, seduce you into being his submissive, fall for you and eventually not break your heart... Come on girls, we aren't that naive.
I understand this is a subculture within the fetish community and like anything to do with human sexuality it interests me but I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. Probably because the characters are so ill-spoken, all the dialogue so far has been rigid and stuffy, not one of the characters has a personality. The only character that is remotely literate and lively is Grey, but even he sounds like a standardized test model most of the time. I really hope that the writers of the screen play will create better conversations that aren't so painfully awkward to read.
I have the sinking feeling that there will be many erotica novels published after this that will also be poorly written and wildly popular because they are promoted right.
To wrap up my rant I will just say that I am going to read the books with the idea that Mr. Northman will not disappoint, and to further express the bad taste that this fantasy is leaving in my mouth I will only watch the movie if Eric Northman is indeed portraying Christian Grey, they writers have nothing to do with the original author and the actress that is picked to be Ana is prettier than Bella from "Twatlight"(not a misspelling). That would be the only way it would be worth seeing.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
The Bedside Blogger#4
Advice day
One thing I hate more than anything is chicks being overly attached to a man. Women have a bad habit of over doing and over thinking every single situation, myself included!
We need to take a chill pill and stop being so crazy. This includes ex, currents and prospects. Men need space to figure out if they are even into having a relationship with you, if you smother them with attention from the get go he'll never have that alone time to realize he doesn't want to be alone. Thus, missing your company.
I have to say that along with girls being overly attached I really hate it when girls are super needy and dramatic! If a dude wants you, he will pursue you. Do not send him text messages every day just to see "what's up?". Let him come to you. If he doesn't contact you first that probably means he doesn't want to and that's ok! Do not proceed to wallow and sulk in it! And please, oh please, do NOT plaster it all over Facebook and Twitter!!
This is where you need to think like a dude. This is a tool that most women don't even know they have. Its not very hard and it would save you so much time and energy. When you are in a new relationship with a guy, try to get inside his head. I don't mean try to analyze his whole life, you have to think in the moment because he isn't thinking about the future.
Here's your scenario: You just met Allen, he's smart, good looking and successful. You've gone out for drinks and had a good first kiss. Your first instinct as a girl is to text him ASAP... FIGHT THIS URGE!! Wait for him to contact you first, seems old fashioned, I know. If he is into you and had a good time he will tell you. Guys are not afraid to go after something that they want.
Now, Allen sends you a quick text when he gets home and says "Had a great time tonight :)", short and sweet. Your silly urges are going to kick in again, and you have to hold back and not reply right away. I'm not saying wait a whole day, just wait a little while and do things to get your mind off of it for about 20 minute. Brush you teeth, get your sweats on and pop in a DVD, watch about 15 minutes of it and reply with something cute and short.
For example, since he had a great time and added a smiley face you should recap one of your favorite conversation points from the evening like "Me too, I can't wait to rent that Seth Rogan movie you suggested!", which if you're like me, you have already seen every Seth Rogan movie ever made, but it shows that you appreciate his point of view and you have a similar interest.
This may lead to a conversation, keep it light and short. Leave him wanting more. After about three or four texts you should say you are about to go to bed and remind him that you had a great time too.
But what if he doesn't text or call? No big deal, you had approximately one day invested in him so you should move on and not over think the situation. There is nothing wrong with having a little hardheartedness when it comes to the dating world.
I have learned that when dating and getting to know a man you should try to stay neutral till you know if they're worth the work and time that a relationship entails.
To recap:
Don't blow up his phone
Don't over think or drive yourself crazy trying to decipher his every word
Let him make the moves
Don't get too attached... ever
And finally do not use social networks to embarrass yourself, you may be able to delete that post later but the damage will be done long before you realize what your crazy ass has done.
One thing I hate more than anything is chicks being overly attached to a man. Women have a bad habit of over doing and over thinking every single situation, myself included!
We need to take a chill pill and stop being so crazy. This includes ex, currents and prospects. Men need space to figure out if they are even into having a relationship with you, if you smother them with attention from the get go he'll never have that alone time to realize he doesn't want to be alone. Thus, missing your company.
I have to say that along with girls being overly attached I really hate it when girls are super needy and dramatic! If a dude wants you, he will pursue you. Do not send him text messages every day just to see "what's up?". Let him come to you. If he doesn't contact you first that probably means he doesn't want to and that's ok! Do not proceed to wallow and sulk in it! And please, oh please, do NOT plaster it all over Facebook and Twitter!!
This is where you need to think like a dude. This is a tool that most women don't even know they have. Its not very hard and it would save you so much time and energy. When you are in a new relationship with a guy, try to get inside his head. I don't mean try to analyze his whole life, you have to think in the moment because he isn't thinking about the future.
Here's your scenario: You just met Allen, he's smart, good looking and successful. You've gone out for drinks and had a good first kiss. Your first instinct as a girl is to text him ASAP... FIGHT THIS URGE!! Wait for him to contact you first, seems old fashioned, I know. If he is into you and had a good time he will tell you. Guys are not afraid to go after something that they want.
Now, Allen sends you a quick text when he gets home and says "Had a great time tonight :)", short and sweet. Your silly urges are going to kick in again, and you have to hold back and not reply right away. I'm not saying wait a whole day, just wait a little while and do things to get your mind off of it for about 20 minute. Brush you teeth, get your sweats on and pop in a DVD, watch about 15 minutes of it and reply with something cute and short.
For example, since he had a great time and added a smiley face you should recap one of your favorite conversation points from the evening like "Me too, I can't wait to rent that Seth Rogan movie you suggested!", which if you're like me, you have already seen every Seth Rogan movie ever made, but it shows that you appreciate his point of view and you have a similar interest.
This may lead to a conversation, keep it light and short. Leave him wanting more. After about three or four texts you should say you are about to go to bed and remind him that you had a great time too.
But what if he doesn't text or call? No big deal, you had approximately one day invested in him so you should move on and not over think the situation. There is nothing wrong with having a little hardheartedness when it comes to the dating world.
I have learned that when dating and getting to know a man you should try to stay neutral till you know if they're worth the work and time that a relationship entails.
To recap:
Don't blow up his phone
Don't over think or drive yourself crazy trying to decipher his every word
Let him make the moves
Don't get too attached... ever
And finally do not use social networks to embarrass yourself, you may be able to delete that post later but the damage will be done long before you realize what your crazy ass has done.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
They Bedside Blogger #3
Alright, today my serotonin levels are really low, not sure why but I my only thought is that I'm lonely.
Yes, I have a wonderful group of friends and family but something is missing. I love being single and having freedoms, but it would be really nice to have someone to sit on the couch with and hold hands. Someone I can make dinner for and just feel happy with. Like annoyingly happy.
So today I'm going to sit in my apartment, watch RomComs, clean, do laundry and sulk in my own single status.
Like to say that every romance movie has the same plot and I'm kinda sick of it.. not that I will stop watching every single Kathrine Heigl movie that comes out. Its goes like this; boy meets girl, they get close, have conflict, reunite, confess love, live happily ever after... Really!?! Has this ever happened in the history of dating? Has anyone ever tracked someone down to stop them from leaving or convinced them to stay and give love another chance? Umm... Noooo!!
Although this got me thinking about why we all want this to happen, and I came up with the conclusion that it is the mixture of pheromones, "love" chemicals, and Hollywood. We are already programmed to procreate and when you add in all that silly cliche' romance it's just a recipe for disappointment.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in emotional love that can last for a life time... I just haven't had it proven to me yet and don't see it happening any time soon. Guys these days don't really have to prove it, the whole "plenty of fish" thing ya know. Anyway, back to my rant on love and what Hollywood has told us what love should look like. In Hollywood you should meet someone in a cute or ironic way, like meeting in a very public place, seeing each other across the room and just knowing you have to talk to them.
Well, let me tell you a story about two people who met in a deli, seems sweet and perfect right? For the story's sake we will just go by "girl" and "crazy". And to set the scene I will admit that Girl was wearing clothes from last night, messy ponytail, and smeared make up. Crazy was wearing classic douche bag gear and sitting at a table facing the door when Girl walks in and sees Crazy out of the corner of her eye and flashes a smile. Crazy waits and approaches Girl with the classic "you look so familiar" line. Ironically enough he did know Girls best friend through high school acquaintances. They exchange numbers, add on Facebook and the story kicks off. Crazy waited about a month to ask girl to hang out, seems legit right? Wrong.... turns out Crazy was an alcoholic, couch surfer, and part time server at a restaurant who was on probation for a "misunderstanding" with an ex. Let's just say this "relationship" didn't last very long and ended very very loudly. Crazy did try to reconnect with Girl but Girl rejected him hard core. Obviously the cliche Hollywood plot doesn't work out in real life.
In conclusion, Hollywood 0, Kate 1
Love is complicated and is annoying me today but for some reason I can't stay away from watching it.
Yes, I have a wonderful group of friends and family but something is missing. I love being single and having freedoms, but it would be really nice to have someone to sit on the couch with and hold hands. Someone I can make dinner for and just feel happy with. Like annoyingly happy.
So today I'm going to sit in my apartment, watch RomComs, clean, do laundry and sulk in my own single status.
Like to say that every romance movie has the same plot and I'm kinda sick of it.. not that I will stop watching every single Kathrine Heigl movie that comes out. Its goes like this; boy meets girl, they get close, have conflict, reunite, confess love, live happily ever after... Really!?! Has this ever happened in the history of dating? Has anyone ever tracked someone down to stop them from leaving or convinced them to stay and give love another chance? Umm... Noooo!!
Although this got me thinking about why we all want this to happen, and I came up with the conclusion that it is the mixture of pheromones, "love" chemicals, and Hollywood. We are already programmed to procreate and when you add in all that silly cliche' romance it's just a recipe for disappointment.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in emotional love that can last for a life time... I just haven't had it proven to me yet and don't see it happening any time soon. Guys these days don't really have to prove it, the whole "plenty of fish" thing ya know. Anyway, back to my rant on love and what Hollywood has told us what love should look like. In Hollywood you should meet someone in a cute or ironic way, like meeting in a very public place, seeing each other across the room and just knowing you have to talk to them.
Well, let me tell you a story about two people who met in a deli, seems sweet and perfect right? For the story's sake we will just go by "girl" and "crazy". And to set the scene I will admit that Girl was wearing clothes from last night, messy ponytail, and smeared make up. Crazy was wearing classic douche bag gear and sitting at a table facing the door when Girl walks in and sees Crazy out of the corner of her eye and flashes a smile. Crazy waits and approaches Girl with the classic "you look so familiar" line. Ironically enough he did know Girls best friend through high school acquaintances. They exchange numbers, add on Facebook and the story kicks off. Crazy waited about a month to ask girl to hang out, seems legit right? Wrong.... turns out Crazy was an alcoholic, couch surfer, and part time server at a restaurant who was on probation for a "misunderstanding" with an ex. Let's just say this "relationship" didn't last very long and ended very very loudly. Crazy did try to reconnect with Girl but Girl rejected him hard core. Obviously the cliche Hollywood plot doesn't work out in real life.
In conclusion, Hollywood 0, Kate 1
Love is complicated and is annoying me today but for some reason I can't stay away from watching it.
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